I have a couple of posts that I am writing, and I apologize that it’s been a few days since my last post, but I have a favor to ask. My mom’s health is failing. After an almost six and a half year long goodbye, it seems that her time really is getting short. There are so many emotions right now. I pray for a swift and easy death, but it is hard to wish her gone. However, she is suffering so, and it is selfish to want that to continue for the sake of continuing.
God has been filling my heart and mind with memories of my mom. My real Mom, the person she was, the person I miss. You see, I really lost my mom six and a half years ago. She has not been the same.
While it may seem that having someone promised six weeks, hang on for over six years is a blessing. It is also a cross. It is like removing a bandage. You don’t want it to happen so you want to take your time, plead with the nurse to not just pull it off. Pulling it swiftly is a shock, even if you have a few minutes to know it is coming. It hurts, stings, sears itself into your memory. On contrast, going slowly still hurts, but it becomes a form of torture because you know it is coming off and will continue to hurt as it goes. The slow approach is agony. My father was ripped away in a matter of hours, my mother bit by bit over years and years. Both are hard, but long goodbyes are worse.
Please pray for my mother, for a peaceful death, for a converted soul, for a gentle passing from misery to tranquility. Pray also for my family, we are weary and hurting, but mostly tired of hurting. Christmas is also fast approaching and our eager children are getting excited, as we wonder how much longer this goodbye will last. We do not know what to do with this holiday in so many ways. Pray lastly for my 94 year old grandmother who does not want to lose her daughter but is weary of the fight and her own uphill battle with congestive heart failure. In so many ways we are falling apart but trying hard to stick together as my father would have wanted.
Please just pray–Thank you!